My desire to be a missionary started 1995 when I surrendered to God's loving arms, I told God " I will do anything for You, just get me out of this pain that I inflicted on myself!" He did save me through His SON Jesus... (see details on my early blog entries)
"I'll do anything" is a promise of obedience.. So I made it my aim to do great exploits for HIM... a lifestyle of repentance and by grace a heart of obdience(not right away.. it takes a while..eventually). I became healthy(ate the right food groups), worked out, went to bible school, made friends with church people, lost weight, entered a bible study group, hang-out with the pastors and pastor's wives, lead small groups, etc etc..
I also did the spiritual disciplines... prayer and fasting.
Its been years and.. my desire to go and "do great exploits for HIM" is still burning in my heart however the years changed me. I actually am in the dark when I do go to another country.. the word for me is to just GO!! (I hope I'm making sense)
I'm in the dark because I let go of my agendas and pre-conceived notions on who is a missionary...
Oh I read allot of books and I am still reading my favorite book now is "the radical reformission" by Mark Driscoll. I recommend everyone to read it.
The point is go... the Holy Spirit will empower us as He sends us to the field. I've been waiting and still waiting for His time... I will go when He says so.
Oswald Chamber wrote "I know when the instructions have come from God because of their quiet persistence. But when I begin to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate enter into my mind, I am bringing in an element that is not of God. This will only result in my concluding that His instructions to me were not right.Many of us are faithful to our ideas about Jesus Christ, but how many of us are faithful to Jesus Himself? Faithfulness to Jesus means that I must step out even when and where I can’t see anything (see Matthew 14:29)"